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I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Ordinary People

Baby, It's me... Maybe I bore you
No, No it's my fault cause I can't afford you

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel just like walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
You never know baby you and I

Weddings

Well folks, today is going to be my 3rd wedding of the year. And guess what, all within 2 months. And guess what, it's going to be the same Chinese banquet.

In June, my cousin got married and had a banquet @ Kirin in Downtown. Then the following day, I had to attend a banquet @ some seafood restaurant @ Parker Place, Richmond. Same old food, but the quality was better the second time around. But imagine, eating the exact same things twice in 2 days. Urp.

Anyways, today will mark the 3rd Chinese banquet of the year. And guess what, I'm betting it will be the same stuff: cold plate meat appetizers, abalogne with bok choy, shark fin soup, etcetera etcetera etcetera, and to top it off, yee mien! And another rice dish.

But hey, I have to be thankful to God we have food to eat. It's a guilty pleasure, with all the people on the streets who are salvaging food wherever they can.

3 weddings, 2 months. Is that a record? Oh, and I have another to go to in 2 more months. Will it ever end? In June it was my cousin getting married. Today is his sister getting married. In two months it's my other cousin. Next year it will be his sister(s). Could they at least space it out? It's a conspiracy. They're not actually getting married. It's all a show. And we're the audience. With free food. Yay.

Letting go

It will be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and that's not an exaggeration.
How do we let go of the ones we love? And why?

Because we believe there is a better life for them elsewhere. I believe that I have a lot to learn, and a lot of maturing to do. In time, I will be ready. But now, it has been clear that I am far from it.

I believe there is someone out there for you who will love you 'til no end. Who will treat you with unlimited patience and understanding. Who will be there for you when you need him, and never get angry.

Someone who will never yell, get impatient and have a tone in his voice. Someone who will treasure you more than anything in the world. Someone who will lift you up, and encourage you to do the things you love. A better man than me.

Be at peace, and happiness, my Love. Don't forget what we had. Don't forget the times we've shared where it was just you and I, when our hearts were brand new. Remember the good in me, and all will be fine in the world.

Understanding

I believe a key element to every relationship is understanding. How can 2 people love each other if they don't understand each other?

Humans are funny creatures. We live out our lives, and when things go wrong, we don't realize it at the moment. But when we look back, we feel that things could have been handled better.

When we pray to God, we expect answers. It is when requests aren't answered that we loose faith. God's time is not our time. God's plan is not our plan. He only does things to make us stronger. Why am I writing these words when I don't believe them?

Every now and then, I doubt the existence of God. Some say it's natural. Even Billy Graham and Dr. James Dobson have doubted. It is the natural instict of humans to doubt, and throught doubt our faith grows. Doubt challenges our faith in Him, and only makes us close in the end.

However, I have frequently questioned the presence of God in my life. There are days when things couldn't be better. And there are days when I deny God fully. Will and can God ever forgive me for my sins? It is my sins that divides me from the Great Divine.

Free x64 XP

Purolator came today and delivered a copy of Windows XP x64 to me today.

"Wow, that must be expensive!" you say. Nay. It was free!

Microsoft had a Technology Advancement program a while back, I'm not sure if it's still on now. Anyways, I signed up, and all I have to pay is $22 shipping. However, the receipt only said $1 for duty. So we'll see how much I'm charged when my MasterCard statement comes.

Unfortunately, I don't have a 64-bit computer just yet. But hey, I can save a few bucks on my new PC!

Nagging parents

Someone, please, tell me the remedy for nagging parents. The more I ignore them, the more they knock on my door and tell me to do something or ask me a question.

So, I try to sit down and have some quiet, and all I hear outside my door is "Ryan?" Open door. Close door. Aaah. ... "Ryan?" Repeat. "Ryan?"

*sigh*

Help Desk Hell

I had a caller the other day that vexed me. (I was already groggy because I had to start work @ 8am in the morning.)

So I pick up the phone and say "Good morning, IT Services, Ryan speaking." And I get, "Soooooo, when's the service going to up?"

Ok. So I'm a psychic now. What, your room service? Your brain service, maybe? Sheesh.

"What service?" I replied.

"My email."

Ok, King Stupid, now I can start to troubleshoot.

That was a few days ago. Today, however, was filled with relatively easy calls of people who had forgot their CWL username and passwords. Those are a cinch.

Occasionally, there are the professor emerituses who are on a Windows 95 system with dial-up who cannot receive their e-mail. Sorry buddy, you missed the bandwagon, you snooze you loose. Yea right, that's what I WISH I could say to them...DEAL WITH IT!

Oh, I'm not bitter. But working at ITServices UBC can be quite invigorating at times...